$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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