BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
