Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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