trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize