Got a toothbrush?
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
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