WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
