The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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