Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
