He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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