First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
