i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
