mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
