I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
