I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Randomize
