Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
