Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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