I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Randomize
