Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
