My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
