I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
