Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
