Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Just pee around me
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
