just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
