fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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