I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
