Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
