i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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