She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
