You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
