i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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