Are we in a gay sports bar?
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize