i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
