Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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