Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
