i always forget guys have bellybuttons
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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