:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
