I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize