just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
sex in a hospital.. check
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
