I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
