it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
how do you play pong handcuffed?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Success! We fucked roommates!
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
