This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
