i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
