If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
