i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
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