my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
He passed out mid-signature
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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