YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize