Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
