Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
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