Jerry, you need to find god
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
