A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
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