The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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