If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
