If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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