It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
