He asked to "fluff my boner.."
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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