I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
