We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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