I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
