you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
