Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I have fence marks all over my body
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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