she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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