you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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