I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
