So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
