God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize