Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
