pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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