I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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